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Comment Before You Favourite by BoffinbraiN That would make me happy. You don't have to though.

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I need to get some things off my chest, because if they continue to sit in my brain, I will go insane.
I am still angry, I can't stop being angry. I don't like this side of me, mad at him/her, whatever. I want to move on, I could kick myself for hanging on. I don't expect them to change, so I don't understand why I still care at all. I don't understand.

Maybe it's because I trusted them too much, giving more than I should have emotionally. I told them everything, spent so much time with them, building a friendship that I though would last forever, something good, something happy. I let them in, I let them in too much. I didn't believe that they could hurt me. I was naive, child-like in my trust and kindness.
I never expected for the rug to be pulled so quickly out from under my feet. I was betrayed, for the first time. I had never felt hurt like this. I didn't understand, how someone I cared so much for could do that.

Hindsight is 20/20 though, and now I see the warning signs, all the things they said and did. Trying to turn me against people I cared about, trying to change my beliefs, trying to change me into someone I wasn't. I let them get away with things that I shouldn't have, I let him say cruel things, and I believed them at first. Why would he lie to me, we were friends? Friends don't lie, not seriously, right? Not in a damaging way right?

Getting wise was the beginning of the end. I started catching on to lies and twisted truths. Damn did it hurt. They were hiding a whole different life from me, even when they said they were not going to go back to that. That they had seen that it wasn't the right way to live.

I wasn't surprised when I found out. Angry, and hurt, sure, but not surprised. I don't know why I believed then at all. I don't even know how I was so blinded.

Now, I still am hurt, everything we went through, it is all tainted. I knew him for so long, and now I wonder how many lies I believed. How true was anything they said. I put so much time into loving them, I forgave them over and over. A million times. I stood by their side when things got tough, but all of it is poisoned now. I can't even go back and smile at the good times, and there were good times, but they no longer hold meaning.

I feel weighed down by anger, I can't let go. I let you break me. I have wounds that don't seem to fade. I now fear people like you. I now don't trust as much, and there are parts of me that still feel torn, when I think about you, because I want to let you go, forget you, stop wanting to know about your life. I am torn, because I'm taught not be angry, not to hold a grudge, but I still feel angry. I've never stayed angry, anger fades quick with me, but you made such a deep cut, that I still don't know how to let it heal.

I pray that it heals, I pray for you too. I want to move on, but hurt doesn't go away so fast, and wounds take a long time to heal. I don't want to feel this way forever, I want to be able to move on, to see the good things about you. I don't want to hate you. I want to let go, to be set free, to no longer feel weighed down.

Hopefully that freedom will come soon.
Moving on is harder than it sounds.
YES I KNOW...I HAVE SWORN UP AND DOWN THAT I HAVE MOVED ON....well it's harder than it sounds and I am still hurting...ugh...This has been bothering me for about a least I can vent a little bit.
Everyone tells me I should enjoy being single.
Enjoy this time of being free,
Take this time discovering the "real me"
Well I've discovered the "Real me",
and, well, she's lonely.

Sometimes the world gets cold,
and I just want a hand to hold.
I've gotten to know "me", four years in my head.
I'm like a book, every thought I've had, I've reread.
And while I love the plot
the story seems to come to a block.
Patience isn't my strongest trait,
I hate having to sit here and wait.

I still believe in true love,
and I can't wait to see who is to come.
I know not who he is or where,
all I know is that he's out there.
Maybe I've seen him time and time again,
or maybe he's a new friend.
I've always felt that he was near.
But that feeling is not clear.
He's still a ghost to me,
a question, a hope, a mystery.

Please let the mystery be solved soon.
Yes I am aware this is kind of a messy piece. I needed to write out my thoughts. This account seems to have become my digital diary or something lol.
I feel like I'm always waiting.
A constant cycle of pacing.
Waiting for work to end.
Waiting to become better friends.
Waiting for the end of school.
Waiting to know you.
Waiting for God's will.
This waiting is making me ill.
Patience is a virtue.
One that I lack.
I need grace to get on track.
Until then, I keep waiting, keep pacing.
Is it time for action?
It's a common frustration in my life as of late. I seem to have less and less patience. Maybe it stems from a fear that there's never enough time, and I'm wasting it.
I am looking towards the sun.
A new day has begun.

It is shining and bright,
I have ended this fight.

I am giving it up to the Son.
In whom, the battle can be won.

I carried a curse,
that your hatred birthed.

It grew larger,
with every hatred you harbored.

Its talons tearing at my throat,
with every word you spoke,

Threatening to drag me down,
and I almost did drown.

Your lips spewed lies and we would all wonder why.
Now all my "Why"s have turned to goodbyes.

And the dark fades to light.
A sign to end my plight.

And the sky will change to welcome a new day.
Do any of you want to see some of the haikus I wrote for my creative writing class? If you wanna see them, just let me know. 
  • Listening to: The Beatles
  • Reading: college stuffs
  • Watching: comp screen
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: food
  • Drinking: lemonade


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lunarwolf95's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
Well, There's not much to tell. I enjoy music, mostly Twenty One Pilots, I also like bands like Queen, The Beatles, and a bunch of others. I'm a huge fan of classic rock.
I also love reading, if I'm not wasting my time on the internet, I'm probably reading. Mostly fiction, and mostly YA fiction, I don't really like much else.
I write a lot, that's pretty much my dream job. Writing, all the time, probably fiction.
I'm also Catholic and proud to be so. I love my faith.

Anyway...that's pretty much it...Me in a nutshell.

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Add a Comment:
shipain Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
:iconbummiesplz:Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too
lunarwolf95 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you!! :)
Neoconvoy Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2016  Student General Artist
Happy birthday!

God bless you!
lunarwolf95 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you!!!
God bless you as well. :)
shipain Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
:iconbummiesplz:Happy Birthday! Have your cake and eat it too
FG-Twins Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you very much for the watch! :heart:
Neoconvoy Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Student General Artist
Happy birthday!

God bless you!
shipain Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
<img class="avatar" src="…" alt=":iconbummiesplz:" title="Bummiesplz">Happy Birthday! <img src="…" alt="Have your cake and eat it too" style="width: 32px; height: 32px;" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="119">
lidybug Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
Thanks for the fave
sandw1chl0vr Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
How busy are you? There's a club that needs some attention.
Pugga-Chan Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thanks fro the watch Gabby :iconbrohugplz: 
Pugga-Chan Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014   Traditional Artist
*for lol
MurlocAggroB-MadMAb Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013
lunarwolf95 Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
=D   =D
MurlocAggroB-MadMAb Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013
Neoconvoy Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student General Artist
Happy Birthday!

God Bless you!
lunarwolf95 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much. =)
NelleTenebreCresco Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
 Free Birthday Icon  loveBirthday Glomp emoticon 
lunarwolf95 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much.
hamundr24 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student Writer
Happy birthday! God bless! :)
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