lunarwolf95

So it's a week into the new year, so I might as well give an update on my life and stuff.

Welp. It's been a rough few months. Adjusting to the new state I live in. Dealing with the loss of my dear pet. Actually starting to really understand how sick my mom actually is. It sounds weird, but when your mom is sick all your life, you don't actually realize how serious it is. My mom in the next few months will be staying in the hospital until she gets a heart transplant. Feeling pretty lonely as all of my friends are in a different state, and so is my boyfriend. I am also starting a full time job tomorrow and as this is my first full time job, I'm pretty freaked out about it. I'm excited but also REALLY nervous.
 So lets go into detail about stuff.
First:My mom's health. Yeah. It's been getting worse, her heart is getting weaker and so the doctor's think that she should transfer into the hospital soon to wait for a new heart. Honestly, none of us feel ready for all of this stuff that's going on. My mom really takes care of the whole family, we'd be lost without her...Which means her not being at home, is going to take a while to...well do anything. Also I hate the idea of my mom not being, basically in the next room. She's my best friend. It's just a lot to process and come to terms with.

Second: My boyfriend. If you couldn't tell from my last few status updates, things are going great with us. Probably the one thing in my life that's really stable right now. I've never gotten along better with anyone before, his family even jokes that we're the same person because of how similar we are. This man is incredible to me. The most kind and respectful person I have ever met, it sounds cliche but he really treats me like a princess. I want to just tell everyone how sweet this guy is. He calms me down when I'm having anxiety, is always there when I need him. This guy has driven 4 &1/2 hours every time to come see me. He's even come out to comfort me when my cat passed away. He always opens the car door for me( I know that seems like a small thing, but it means a lot), and he doesn't mind when I get really spazzy or moody. I've never been so happy in a relationship before. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. We've also discussed it(quite a bit actually), and we've decided that this relationship is definitely headed towards marriage and there is a good chance I will be engaged within this year.

Lastly: My new job. There's not too much to say, since I haven't officially started yet. That's tomorrow, and I am nervous as HECK. It seems pretty nice, everyone seems cheerful and friendly. I'm just worried as this is my first full time job, and  that's pretty intense. Though the benefits are nice and heck being able to save up money for my future is really exciting. Plus I don't have to wear a hat like at my last job. I'm still stressed since I'm working 5 8-hour shifts my first week...and the first week this store is actually open but hey, that's life I guess.

So yeah...my life is a bit of a mess...well a lot of a mess, but here's to a new, and hopefully better year.

It's been forever since I've talked about what's going on in my life, and DANG things have changed so I might as well fill you all in.
 Ok first of all, I moved out of the lovely state I used to live in, MI, the home of The Motor City and construction( no seriously, the roads are permanently under construction).  I have moved several states over, to be closer to a hospital that can handle my mom's particular issue...As she needs a heart transplant. She's been sick all my life, in fact, she was born with a defective heart, and as such, needs to get a new heart.

Moving is not fun, and I dread having to ever move again. This was the first time I have moved( except when I was like 2, but I don't remember that) and let me tell you, 20ish years of stuff is a massive PAIN to pack. Anyway, I now live in a completely different place, and it's pretty weird. I mean it's growing on me, but I prefer MI. On the plus side, my mom will get a new heart, and I'm like a couple hundred miles closer to my boyfriend.

If you weren't aware, I have a boyfriend( If the like 4 poems and 2 drawings didn't tip you off) He is pretty much the best person I know.  Sweetest guy with an absolute heart of gold and pretty dang cute lol. This guy has driven 9 hours to meet me in person back when I was in MI, thankfully the drive is a much shorter 4 hours now. We are both huge nerds, fans of the same type of music and games, and are both Catholic. I could continue rambling on about him for waaay too long(trust me I like talking about him), plus I don't want to bore anyone reading this with all this stuff about my boyfriend, I just wanted to let people know that his is a very important part in my life, and honestly I am happier than I have ever been.

I also officially have a college degree( I just have to wait for my school to mail it to me X/ ) So that's another thing squared away. Yay, I did a thing!! I plan on working on a more specialized degree in the near future, probably nutrition or something similar.

So...yeah. I'm kinda slowly starting to get my life together...maybe?

I have ADD, though that's not really a surprising diagnosis. I've never been able to focus quite well, but that's not JUST what ADD is. Currently I have 10 tabs open, all having to do with something that I was looking at, till I got distracted, and then looked at something else, but I might come back to it, so I leave the tabs open. That is what my brain is like.

Growing up, I always thought I was just stupid in math, that I didn't try hard enough. Homework that would take a normal person maybe 30 minutes would take me 3 hours. I would get so frustrated I would break down into tears because I couldn't understand it. Also, since math is very detail oriented, I was prone to making a lot of mistakes, because I didn't read the question properly, or I skipped a step, or missed a decimal point.

I of course did well in classes I was interested in, like English and Choir I could hyper-focus on those, and the other classes, my mom would hound me to get my homework done, because she is the same way, ADD runs in families.

Trying to listen to someone when another person is talking is like having two songs playing at the same time, it's a mess of sounds, and you would like to listen to both individually but you can't. The amount of times I have had to ask someone to repeat themselves is embarrassing.

Concentrating on something that isn't incredibly interesting is torture, boredom hurts, it feels like someone slamming my head against a wall while repeating "Find something to do!" over and over.

It's embarrassing but I couldn't remember any birthdays but my own for the longest time, I can barely remember my parents' birthdays', If I didn't get facebook reminders, I would forget everyone else's. I'm genuinely not trying to be rude, and I've tried to remember, but they just don't stick.

I am beyond messy, nothing is organized, at all. My rooms a mess, purse is a mess, book bag is a mess, when I had a locker that was a mess, anywhere I stay for a few days becomes a mess...And when I have to clean it, it gets overwhelming, so overwhelming that I don't know where to start. I can't just pick a spot and start cleaning from there. When I was little my mom used to have to take string, place it around the area, and have me clean just in that area, if that didn't happen, I would get overwhelmed and not be able to do anything.

I forget things all the time, it used to be worse when I was younger, but after years of forgetting things, I have a mental checklist that I go over and over before I leave the house...and I still forget things...I've even forgotten what I was saying, while I was saying it.

Also there's a "wonderful" thing called hyper-focus, where my brain will get stuck on something, it may be a band, a book, a character in a show, an activity like drawing or writing or pretty much anything and I will be able to think about almost nothing else. Which can be fun if I want to draw or write, but it can be annoying when it's the only thing I want to talk about. Which can get irritating for most people.

Also, today I have sat at the computer all day in an attempt to get my math homework done. It's been hours, and I haven't been able to even finish one section. I don't understand it and there are so many little details that I miss, and then the whole problem is screwed.

Also I have looked through at least 4 of my tabs while writing this, gotten up at least 5 times, and I've probably been writing this for about an hour...Yay...


TL;DR:
My brain is like the tabs on a computer, and I have at least 10 of them going on constantly...WOO.

So I ended up going on a nostalgia trip on youtube, listing to all the songs that I did when I was younger... I found such jems as:



Also you can't forget the first meme:


Sorry for the random update...It's like 1:30 am and I need to go to bed, but I'm so excited I found all these songs lol

[x]You smile at strangers 
[ ] You are a social butterfly
[x] You laugh at least five times a day 
[ ] You ask to pet strangers' dogs
[x] You have a pet
[ ] You have hung out with a friend this week
[x] People compliment you often
[x] You like babies 
[x] You love skinship (holding hands, hugs, etc.) 
[x] You admire yourself in the mirror at least once a week
💛 Joy Total: 7


[x] You cry easily 
[x] You have/had depression 
[x] You've been to a funeral
[x] You wish you had/didn't have siblings 
[x] You watch sad videos/listen to sad music solely for the purpose to cry 
[ ] You aren't happy with your body 
[x] You've had suicidal thoughts 
[x] You feel tired often
[ ] You get grades you aren't happy with 
[ ] You don't have a skill/hobby 
💙Sadness Total: 7


[x] You have a bad temper
[/] You punch things when you're angry (I've wanted to, but pillows don't really do it. I need to invest in a punching bag)
[ ] You can't stand a certain person
[x] You rant often 
[x] You sometimes get so frustrated you want to cry
[x] You get angry over little things
[ ] You hate school
[x] You have to take deep breathes to calm yourself down
[ ] You roll your eyes often
[ ] You get called 'rude' or 'mean' often 
❤️Anger Total: 5.5


[ ] You can't sleep without a night light 
[x] You're often paranoid about being watched
[x] You jump when you hear loud sounds
[ ] You won't go in the deep end of the pool 
[ ] You dislike going on amusement park rides
[x] You hate going on planes
[x] You shake/shiver when you're scared 
[ ] You cannot sleep when they are dolls in the room 
[x] You've been called a 'scaredy cat' 
[x] You can't go in haunted houses
💜Fear Total: 6

[ ] You gag when you smell something bad
[ ] You're a picky eater 
[ ] You can't handle the sight of guts/blood
[ ] You hate it when people wear bad outfits
[ ] You say 'ew' often 
[ ] You get motion sickness easily 
[ ] You hate babies because "they're gross"
[ ] Cheesy romance movies make you cringe
[ ] You dislike greasy food 
[x] You have more than two phobias
💚Disgust Total: 1



💖Overall Total: 25
Now multiply your total by 2
I am 53% an emotional person

Lol, I definitely feel like I'm more than that